There’s all these crazy things that everybody does To make a little money or to make a lot of buzz You have to be a jogger, a singer, or a tantzer B’ikar don’t forget that you have to get a sponsor So this year we decided to do something for Peerim To help us raise some money, from all of the gevirim We wanted something classy, with a little bit finesse So all you have to do is fress and fress and fress! You don’t have to join, I don’t mean to sound pushy But listen to the rules, from your friend Ushy This program is amazing, I don’t mean to sound ba’al ga’avish But this is where it’s at – no one cares about Fiveish Let’s see how many pounds every one of you could gain Let’s see how many sides you could eat before the main I eat a whole schnapps cake, ad dl’o yudeh I eat laffy taffys ah gantz choidesh Uder I tink in the mikvah, Ich mach groiseh hachanos Before I do the mitzvah of achilas shaloch manos Before I eat a snack, koidem kol darf Ich vashen Cuz I’m kovei’ah se’udah on jelly hamentaschen I ate a lukshen keegel down to the last noodle I dress up like a XL Kohein Gadol So raise some gelt for Oorah, they need it really bad Even though they’ll probably just spend it on an ad Stop what you’re doing [kugel, herring, kishke, chulent, mashed potatoes, chocolate donuts] Just start chewing [challah, chicken salad, cheesecake, onion rings, pastrami sandwich] Listen to me, hallo! [sunny side up, toasted bagel, macaroni, gala, k’neidlach] Eat up the food and swallow [yapchik, halva, watermelon, peanut butter, jelly bellies] On Peerim all the men drink wine until they throw up And kids trade nosh from aisle three in the Co-up But you should eat until you look like Og Melech Habashan You eat the whole Peerim, and maybe even Shushan While all of your chaveirim are dressing up like clowns You could spend the day, gaining lots of pounds You could eat all the cake in Shomer Shabbos in New York You could eat it even faster if you don’t use a fork Help the Yiddish kinder by eating fish and lukshen And it’s a lot more fun than a five dollar auction I know that you could do it, be a gadol – not a katan By the end of the day, you should pop every button You should be so fat and wasted by the time that you finish You should look like a submarine singing Chayiv Inish Your friends will not recognize you, they will say, “Ver bist di?” Everyone will think that you are Chris Christie Mach a big mesibah, and help kids that are Jewish Ess vi es darf tzu zayn, kirtzon ish va’ish I hope you understand from watching this film That this is a mitzvah that is kineged kulam Geb a groiseh shmeichel [salmon, bukser, tangerine, Italian ices, avocado] Nem ah sach meichel [rugelach, potato knishes, apple strudel, mozzarella] Join my chaburah [frozen pizza, sour bears, potato chips, farshidineh greentzeig] And come eat for Oorah [chocolate pudding, oatmeal cookies, pickles, yogurt, burny snack bags]